News that is not really news but really Alipate Miller’s laundry list.
RISHI RAM NOT REALLY RISHI RAM BUT REALLY RISHI RAM
The General Secretary of the Taxi Operators Union, Rishi Ram announced in a press conference in Suva today that he is not really Rishi Ram the General Secretary of the Taxi Operators Union, but really Rishi Ram the chairman of the Public Service Commission.
When asked by journalists why he had been masquerading as Rishi Ram, the General Secretary of the Taxi Operators Union, Ram responded that being Rishi Ram the General Secretary of the Taxi Operators Union was more glamorous than being Rishi Ram, Chairman of the Public Service Commission.
“The pay is much better, the hours are flexible, I get to appear on television a lot more, plus I am much better looking as Rishi Ram, General Secretary of the Taxi Operators Union than when I had been Rishi Ram, Chairman of the PSC.”
But the revelation has sent shockwaves through the International Community of Realists, many questioning the very meaning of reality. Dr. Sickmond Fried a renowned psychologist at the John Hopkins University, who is not really Dr. Sickmond Fried a renowned psychologist at the John Hopkins University, but really Sickmond Fried a potato farmer from Idaho, suggested the world had suddenly gone out of sync.
“His revelation means we can no longer believe what is in front of us. Black could really be white, night could be day and I could really be a potato farmer from Idaho … which I really am.”
Others have suggested that Ram’s revelation is merely the tip of the iceberg.
“If Rishi Ram, the General Secretary is really Rishi Ram the Chairman of the PSC, then who really is the current Rishi Ram the Chairman of the PSC, and who really is the man whose place Rishi Ram the Chairman of the PSC has taken and who really is …?”
Hours after Ram’s revelation more people came forward to reveal their true identity including Rishi Ram the Chairman of the PSC who revealed he really was Rishi Ram, a rice farmer from Dreketi; and Mahendra Chaudhry who really was Mahendra Chaudhry an income tax officer from Haryana.
But more shocking were the revelations of those who claimed to be someone with a totally different name: Ben Padarath revealed he was really Lavenia Padarath; Sitiveni Rabuka was really Elvis Presley; Angie Heffernen really Indonesian President Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono; and Frank Bainimarama, really one of the giant robots from the Transformers.
And in other news …
Global Warming really The Big Bang
http://www.andthisjustin.blogspot.com/
2008 And This Just In …
Monday, October 20, 2008
Sunday, June 29, 2008
And This Just In ... - Issue #8
News.
No charter, no Christmas
THERE will be no Christmas this year if politicians do not support the proposed People’s Charter, says the interim Prime Minister.
And he warned that Christmas was just the start and that if some people continued to oppose the charter he will issue a decree making Diwali, World Teacher’s Day and even Mother’s Day illegal.
Commodore Voreqe Bainimarama made it clear that the military would ensure the political party that wins the next general election, scheduled for next year, followed the charter, which contained clear guidelines on personal hygiene and basic sanitation.
He said the army had undertaken the clean-up campaign in 2006 against Lasenia Qarase’s government because members of that government, including Qarase himself, were not practicing proper body hygiene and basic sanitation.
“During the clean-up campaign, the army had personally cleaned the homes and offices of members of Qarase’s government. We vacuumed carpets, cleaned toilets and even removed graffiti from the walls of Parliament, written mainly by Qoroniasi Bale and Mere Samisoni. On a personal level we removed lice from, and then shampooed and conditioned hair of Qarase’s team; we shaved armpits, and removed every ear and nasal hair. I personally trimmed Qarase’s moustache, which had been long, unkempt and breeding a great variety of wildlife.”
Bainimarama added that the army had stepped in to end the ‘culture of filth’ in Fiji and that this could be achieved through the charter. He said individuals who wanted to contest the next election had to display great personal hygiene and have a clean bill of health.
“The charter contains clear guidelines on personal hygiene and basic sanitation. It contains a list of all the soaps, shampoos and deodorants that those wishing to be part of any government must use. It also contains a list of all the detergents (mainly De Power – oi lei na De Power!) they must use when cleaning up their homes and offices. The next time we will not allow unclean individuals to be part of government – we will check armpits, in between toes, inside belly buttons, and every other orifice that could be harboring germs,” said Bainimarama.
Bainimarama said that the army was committed to making Fiji a clean place for all and that if making it clean meant depriving the citizens of Christmas, Mothers Day and other holidays that they so loved, then there was no other way.
But Bainimarama’s declaration hasn’t gone down well with members of the SDL and NFP parties. In a joint statement party leaders Laisenia Qarase and Pramod Rai said:
“Being dirty is a God-given right and we intend to exercise that right as soon as we come to power next year.”
And in other news …
PSC Chairman, Rishi Ram, to join Fiji women’s basketball team
http://www.andthisjustin.blogspot.com/
©2007 And This Just In …
No charter, no Christmas
THERE will be no Christmas this year if politicians do not support the proposed People’s Charter, says the interim Prime Minister.
And he warned that Christmas was just the start and that if some people continued to oppose the charter he will issue a decree making Diwali, World Teacher’s Day and even Mother’s Day illegal.
Commodore Voreqe Bainimarama made it clear that the military would ensure the political party that wins the next general election, scheduled for next year, followed the charter, which contained clear guidelines on personal hygiene and basic sanitation.
He said the army had undertaken the clean-up campaign in 2006 against Lasenia Qarase’s government because members of that government, including Qarase himself, were not practicing proper body hygiene and basic sanitation.
“During the clean-up campaign, the army had personally cleaned the homes and offices of members of Qarase’s government. We vacuumed carpets, cleaned toilets and even removed graffiti from the walls of Parliament, written mainly by Qoroniasi Bale and Mere Samisoni. On a personal level we removed lice from, and then shampooed and conditioned hair of Qarase’s team; we shaved armpits, and removed every ear and nasal hair. I personally trimmed Qarase’s moustache, which had been long, unkempt and breeding a great variety of wildlife.”
Bainimarama added that the army had stepped in to end the ‘culture of filth’ in Fiji and that this could be achieved through the charter. He said individuals who wanted to contest the next election had to display great personal hygiene and have a clean bill of health.
“The charter contains clear guidelines on personal hygiene and basic sanitation. It contains a list of all the soaps, shampoos and deodorants that those wishing to be part of any government must use. It also contains a list of all the detergents (mainly De Power – oi lei na De Power!) they must use when cleaning up their homes and offices. The next time we will not allow unclean individuals to be part of government – we will check armpits, in between toes, inside belly buttons, and every other orifice that could be harboring germs,” said Bainimarama.
Bainimarama said that the army was committed to making Fiji a clean place for all and that if making it clean meant depriving the citizens of Christmas, Mothers Day and other holidays that they so loved, then there was no other way.
But Bainimarama’s declaration hasn’t gone down well with members of the SDL and NFP parties. In a joint statement party leaders Laisenia Qarase and Pramod Rai said:
“Being dirty is a God-given right and we intend to exercise that right as soon as we come to power next year.”
And in other news …
PSC Chairman, Rishi Ram, to join Fiji women’s basketball team
http://www.andthisjustin.blogspot.com/
©2007 And This Just In …
Sunday, May 18, 2008
And This Just In ... - Issue #7
News others don’t dare to tell.
PARMESH CHAND TAKES ON STAGE NAME
The former C. E. O for Public Enterprises and the current Permanent Secretary in the Prime Minister’s Office Parmesh Chand has taken on a stage name. He will now be referred to in all his media and public appearances as ‘Da Man’. This comes in response to the almost daily appearances he has been making on television.
Chand paid tribute to his old name saying it had served him well but that it was time to be called something else.
“I just cannot go on being called Parmesh Chand. It’s too ordinary. I need something more glitzy and more marketable and certainly sexier!”
He said the name ‘Parmesh Chand’ was appropriate at a time when he was a nobody but now that he was so famous it was time for a change.
“Let’s face it,” he said, “today I am the most famous man in Fiji. I mean who in Fiji appears more on television than I? Hello!”
It has been reported that Chand has also hired a makeup artist and out-of-work Bollywood agent to assist him in his time of fame. Asked why he chose the name ‘Da Man’ Chand said the choice had not been easy. He said he consulted many quack doctors in Labasa and read countless issues of Smash Hits and Filmfare Magazines without success.
Chand said he had considered the names ‘P C Diddy’, ‘P C Hammer’ and ‘Li’l Chand’ as a way of reaching out to the younger generation but decided to settle on ‘Da Man’.
“It’s short, easy to remember and to the point. Plus it aptly describes who I am – the man. I am the man baby!”
Chand also said that changing one’s name with one’s fortune was not a new trend.
“Do you think George Michael would have ‘made it big’ with a stupid name like Georgios Kyriacos Panayiotou?”
Chand is currrently involved in talks with the National Broadcasting Corporation of the United States to produce a television script he’s written on his life called “Everybody Loves Parmesh.” The story is about the life of the real Parmesh Chand, although in the credits he will not be introduced as Parmesh Chand but ‘Da Man’.
And in other news …
Former Prime Minister Lasenia Qarase changes name to ‘Former Lasenia Qarase’.
©2007 And This Just In …
PARMESH CHAND TAKES ON STAGE NAME
The former C. E. O for Public Enterprises and the current Permanent Secretary in the Prime Minister’s Office Parmesh Chand has taken on a stage name. He will now be referred to in all his media and public appearances as ‘Da Man’. This comes in response to the almost daily appearances he has been making on television.
Chand paid tribute to his old name saying it had served him well but that it was time to be called something else.
“I just cannot go on being called Parmesh Chand. It’s too ordinary. I need something more glitzy and more marketable and certainly sexier!”
He said the name ‘Parmesh Chand’ was appropriate at a time when he was a nobody but now that he was so famous it was time for a change.
“Let’s face it,” he said, “today I am the most famous man in Fiji. I mean who in Fiji appears more on television than I? Hello!”
It has been reported that Chand has also hired a makeup artist and out-of-work Bollywood agent to assist him in his time of fame. Asked why he chose the name ‘Da Man’ Chand said the choice had not been easy. He said he consulted many quack doctors in Labasa and read countless issues of Smash Hits and Filmfare Magazines without success.
Chand said he had considered the names ‘P C Diddy’, ‘P C Hammer’ and ‘Li’l Chand’ as a way of reaching out to the younger generation but decided to settle on ‘Da Man’.
“It’s short, easy to remember and to the point. Plus it aptly describes who I am – the man. I am the man baby!”
Chand also said that changing one’s name with one’s fortune was not a new trend.
“Do you think George Michael would have ‘made it big’ with a stupid name like Georgios Kyriacos Panayiotou?”
Chand is currrently involved in talks with the National Broadcasting Corporation of the United States to produce a television script he’s written on his life called “Everybody Loves Parmesh.” The story is about the life of the real Parmesh Chand, although in the credits he will not be introduced as Parmesh Chand but ‘Da Man’.
And in other news …
Former Prime Minister Lasenia Qarase changes name to ‘Former Lasenia Qarase’.
©2007 And This Just In …
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