And This Just In ... - Issue #6

News that makes you wanna stand on your head and say ‘hubba hubba hubba’.

Prominent Suva Lawyers Disagree On Who’s ‘Suva’s Most Prominent Lawyer’

Prominent Suva lawyers Richard Naidu, Jon Apted, Rajendra Chaudhary and Abhay Singh were involved in a brawl in Suva’s Traps Night Club last night. According to eyewitnesses the brawl followed a heated exchange between the four on should be called ‘Suva’s most prominent Suva lawyer’ by the media.

Munro Leys lawyer Jon Apted argued that he should be called the most prominent lawyer as he was frequently seen on the pavement outside O’Reily’s smoking a cigarette.

“In section p, page 1013, column 2 of the Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary you will find that the word prominent means ‘easily seen or noticeable’. Every citizen of Suva must have seen or noticed me one time or the other loitering Suva street corners with a cigarette in hand or sometimes just simply loitering. Now that’s prominent baby!”

His colleague Richard Naidu suggested that Apted was ‘a jackass’ and that every person in their right mind knew that he, Naidu, was the most prominent lawyer.”

“Hey! I was almost cooked in a lovo in 1987 and this year I was left in the middle of the night in the middle of nowhere with no money, no mobile phone and no chewing gum. Plus who’s like so smart that he’s called up to present his learned analysis every time there’s a crisis? Apted? I don’t think so!”

Rajendra Chaudry said he should be called ‘Suva’s most prominent lawyer’ not because of any achievements on his part but because ‘like his dad was so famous and all’.

In a strange twist, Secretary General of the Taxi Operators Union Rishi Ram emerged from the men’s toilet totally smashed, wearing a curry-stained vest and Shrek boxer shorts and proclaimed that he, Rishi Ram, was Suva’s most prominent lawyer. The quartet, who was by now engaged in tag wrestling, Abhay and his partner Naidu biting Apted’s foot, took a breather to remind Ram that he was not even a lawyer.

“I moan and bitch. I appear on television all the time talking real loud to show how intelligent I am. I enjoy lying to people. I generally blow a lot of hot air and I have a very elevated view of myself. If that doesn’t make me a lawyer then what does?” said Ram.

In another twist to the strange saga interim prime minister Commodore Frank Bainimarama today decreed that from henceforth only he, Frank Bainimarama, should be referred to as ‘Suva’s most prominent lawyer’. This decree will be gazetted in the next few days, once he is officially sworn in by the attorney general as ‘Suva’s Most Prominent Lawyer’ and once in effect, anyone caught referring to anyone other than the Commander as ‘Suva’s most prominent lawyer’ will bear the wrath of the Commander.

“Citizen’s who break this law should be prepared to run the new obstacle course in Nabua designed by Kenneth Zinck,” said Fiji Military Forces spokesperson Major Neumi Leweni.

And in other news:

Interim PM new President of International Leper’s Association

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